Emotional abuse or trauma – There is Always A way out.
You have an incurable wound caused by trauma, there is a remedy, but you have to pass the test to receive it. This is the answer I gave her. I thought she would walk out in anger or even lash out for a moment. Then she smiled and said; Show me the test room, I am ready for my healing. So many people carry scars unhealed or even current wounds that cannot be seen. Wounds that stem from emotional abuse or trauma.
Such wounds are invisible to the naked eye, yet they are real and may have a longer impact on your life.
The good news is, you can heal your life and live a fulfilled life, esp. if you seek help from a professional.
You can heal your life in 5 Steps. I will not call them simple, because I know how difficult it can be to heal from some invisible yet deep wounds. The 5 Steps are:
- Healing your pain – by facing it and saying NO MORE, and meaning it – Take a Decision.
- Clearing your confusion – By Sharing with a caring professional and taking action.
- Increase your intuition – knowing when the non-serving behavior or action is coming and avoiding it.
- Create healthy habits – of self-love and self-belief.
- Get activated – Stay consistent in taking positive steps towards your freedom and healing.
We shall look at each of the above steps individually in an article.
In today’s episode, we will focus on what are those wounds that take years to truly heal.
The reason we will do this is that coming out of covid and the lockdowns, so many people have suffered emotional wounds in their homes. These wounds are mostly around emotional abuse becoming so intense due to the frustrations of lockdown and being in the same space daily with no usual escape to work or going to see a friend, etc.
Such wounds and traumas can slowly kill you (physically and/or spiritually) unless you accept what is happening and make the desired change.
The thing is there is always a way and only you hold the key to freeing yourself from the continuation of the emotional abuse and trauma which oftentimes becomes physical abuse too.
HeadsUp
As you know, with each Jonry episode we share a complimentary resource you can download immediately and make changes to your life. In this episode, I am sharing chapter 6, an extract from my latest book. This chapter focuses on The Power of Constructive Relationships and could be just what you need to trigger the change you deserve. It is just to give you a snippet, an eye-opener about relationships. If you want more support, you can get the whole book as audio or paperback. Or book a complimentary chat with me.
Emotional Abuse in relationships
Oftentimes, emotional abuse happens in a way most don’t even realize it’s happening, in the beginning at least!
All you usually feel is something isn’t right, yet you may not put a finger on it. Or you don’t want to face it.
If you do confront or share that you feel like something is off in your relationship with close family/friends, suddenly you’re that “crazy person”.
God forbid if you’re totally dependent on the person dishing out the abuse:
- Emotionally
- Financially
- Economically
- Physically
- Spiritually, etc.
In such cases, gaslighting is a common occurrence. According to Wikipedia, Gaslighting is:
A power imbalance in abusive relationships may include bullying. Also, gaslighting and abuse can happen in the workplace. The abuser feels in control. As a result, gaslighting tends to make the victim feels dependent on the abuser.
Remember you have the power to change your life, you really do, even if at this point you feel helpless. It takes a huge mindset shift to recognize that you are enough, and you deserve the best in life, including happiness in your relationship.
Listen carefully to your inner man and follow what he/she is saying to you. You know deep inside you don’t deserve the abuse, whatever your abuser may be saying to you. Feel free to contact me for signposting, support, and referrals. No one deserves to suffer silently.
If the above is happening to you, you might feel like a prisoner with invisible walls. Like you’re so deep in that hole, you don’t even know how you got there. You feel totally and utterly stuck.
The worst part is so many people close to you can’t see it either, they see the abuser like an angel and you feel even more alone and crazy. Such people are good at covering their steps and actions to the public.
When you try to verbalize what’s happening it’s hard to say – I am being abused right now. Instead, you
Feel shame, asking yourself; How could this possibly happen to me?
On paper your relationship is perfect. Everyone tells you what a great couple you are. In reality, you feel like you are living in hell on earth. And you have this fear of being single… You feel like you will become a social pariah! So you endure the abuse and trauma day in day out… You feel angry at anyone who seems to be happy in their relationship…But this anger is more or less fear.
“The fear of what might happen stops people, but the trauma process is so beautiful and transformational. There is nothing to fear in our emotions, they will not swallow you whole – they will speak to you in profound ways.” ― Adele Theron
| RELATED: 5 Healthy Self-Help Habits to Reverse Negative Thinking |
Here is my take on abusive relationships:
Relationships/partnerships are a two-way street, so never allow yourself to be made to feel like –
- You’re the problem – even though it takes 2, you don’t deserve abuse.
- You don’t do enough – you are not a servant in your relationship, it’s meant to be a mutually loving, partnership.
- You’re not smart enough – we are all created in the image of wisdom itself so You are more than enough.
- Or beautiful enough – You are fearfully and wonderfully made. And remember beauty is internal, not external.
- Or good enough – what does this even mean?
- Or Smart enough – ditto all the above.
YOU ARE MORE THAN ENOUGH, So…
Focus on the middle portion of the above chart. When you look at it, there is “Acceptance as a solution. What this means is an acceptance that YOU Are worthy of better. Not the abuse.
It took my friend Peggy years to truly accept what was happening to her. To heal from the trauma.
Her whole family, community (everything she knew from birth), most of her friends walked away because she finally stood up for herself and no longer stood for the emotional and mental abuse from her partner.
Despite knowing and sharing with them that something was wrong, she was left with a very small circle.
That said, she approached me and took a leap of faith because I listened, I trusted her word.
I encouraged her that even though she felt like she was starting at the “bottom”, with nothing but belief, she truly could walk away and become everything she dreams to be.
Daily I encouraged her to speak to herself in the mirror that she is worthy of feeling amazing and wonderful in her life. That she is worthy of a partner who loves her and treats her with real agape love.
I encouraged her to seek therapy to help her to heal. And guess what?
She did heal by being brave and seeking help.
She became her OWN hero.
So if you too are going through some invisible battles and have the wounds and scars to prove it, I want you to understand that many of the most successful people throughout history have been through the grinder.
Understand that your emotional and spiritual commitment and steps are 100% involved in determining how quickly you can come out of an emotionally abusive relationship, job, marriage, friendship, etc., and attract a much better life.
It may not be easy. After all the good book says; Weapons shall be formed against you. BUT they shall not prosper.
“Why kill yourself when your sizzling sun intensifies. Remember the very hot sun usually paves the way for a heavy refreshing, cleansing downpour.”
Healing, mindfulness, and alignment need to be as equal in priority as your job and career plan. You deserve to have a happy life, trauma and abuse-free relationship, a happy workplace where you thrive…
Emotional Abuse or Trauma at Work
This is a huge topic, one that deserves its own space. All I can say is, you do not have to tolerate any kind of abuse at work. be it from a workmate, a manager, a customer, or a client.
We all deserve to feel valued in the workplace. It’s where we spend at least 8+ hours of the 12 hours of our day, 5-7 days a week. Imagine you spend at least 1 hour in travel time to work and often times that too is stressful in itself. That’s the majority of your awake life, daily.
If you are facing abuse in any shape or form at work, report it to a higher person/human resources in your organisation.
It takes bravery and courage to do that as you could lose your job. Still, your life is meant to be lived not tolerated. So be brave, look for an alternative source of income and report the source of abuse.
If it’s not stopped, be ready to leave and go thrive where you are celebrated not tolerated.
What do you do to help yourself stop potential emotional abuse or trauma?
Please share in a comment below.
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Joyce Nsubuga
Believe. Empower. Self-Love
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